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The Response Impact

September 27, 2018 by  
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“When you can’t control what’s happening; challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening!  That’s where your power is!

Far too often, we work from a place of reaction versus a proactive approach.  Whether we have a bad day or good day is often dependent on the situation or person involved versus it being about how we CHOOSE for the day to be with respect to it being a good one or a bad one.

How many of you have seen someone with a severe disability yet seems to have a positive outlook on life and their personal situation and we have said to ourselves, “I could never have that positive attitude in that situation!” or “I couldn’t deal with that!”

or

Someone we know recently lost a loved one or they lost their only stream of income and seem to be coping quite well in spite of their circumstances and thought to ourselves…”I could never handle it as well as that person.”

All of us are human and none of us are exempt to unforseen occurances, yet we all have the CHOICE as to how we will respond to those situations.  We can think of a few individuals who were dealt a heavy blow in life and yet live or lived a positive life.  For example, Franklin Roosevelt who was paralyzed from the waist down from Polio BEFORE running for office.  Oprah Winfrey who was molested from the age of nine years old and conceived a child of rape at the age of fourteen and in spite of that is now one of the highest paid individuals in the world with a heart to serve others in the process.  Or Sylvester Stallone who at birth due to an accident during labor caused him paralysis in his face which affected his lips, tongue and chin which contributes to his slurred speech and deformity in his face…did he succumb to that incident?  No he used it to propel him to stardom with the Box Office Rocky Series and used those disabilities to create the character of Rocky!  And the list literally goes on and on.

We can choose to be a victim or to be victorious in spite of our situations and regardless of how inspired we are by others who choose to take adversity and use that as fuel for triumph; when faced with the slightest uncomfortability…we shrink.  Why?  For some, we just have to work harder at programming our minds to think words such as I CAN, COMMIT, UNSTOPPABLE!  So here are some tips that work, even for those who inspire others:

Do’s

  1.  Prayer: I am a firm believer in the MOST HIGH!  What you have as a deficiency…he replenishes and gives in abundance.  NEVER go in prayer with doubt.  Always go with the mindset that HE is all capable and you have been equipped with all that is necessary to complete whatever task is before you.  Also remember…HE appears to you how YOU see him.  So if you see him as the all end be all, that is how he will appear.  However, if you come in doubt, don’t be surprised when the thing you are praying for does not come to fruition and the response to whatever is before you will be more of an obstacle versus something to propel you to higher levels.
  2. Believe: Believe that you are ENOUGH!  You need nothing more but what your life experiences and education has brought you thus far.   If there is more to be learned; just as you did before…you WILL learn it.  You are equipped.
  3. Surround yourself with like minded individuals.  If you are around nay sayers and doubters and those who respond negatively to life in general, so shall you be!  If you do not have that within your circle; limit the amount of time you spend with those with that type of mindset.  It WILL effect you and not in the way in needs to.  To replace that, read books that are written by those who have come through from the other side, knows what it is to push through and use that information to assist in your journey of creating the CAN DO mind and the mind of it is not the situation, but rather how I respond to it!

Don’t

  1. Never relinguish to others what only YOU can hold!  Only you can control what your thoughts are.  No one has to know them, no one can strip you of it unless you CHOOSE to give that type of power away to someone else.  If someone is speaking negatively over what you can and cannot do or accomplish; utilize the favorite quote…”I can show you better than I can tell you.”  If you look at the time of slavery, or in the cases of domestic abuse.  It is not the physical abuse of the body that the oppressor seeks to control, it is the MIND!  That is because once the mind is under control, the need for abuse will be unnecessary.  The abuse is just a means to an end…mind control!
  2. Never look at yourself as a victim!  A victim mindset will always look to others to fix it and make things right.  You can determine that by your thoughts and how you choose to respond to trauma, a negative experience and so on.  You are not defined by that moment, you are however defined by how you choose to respond by asking yourself…what was the lesson in that moment?  What can I take away that can empower me and others?  How will I use this negative experience to strive to be the best version of myself and be not just a survivor, but an OVERCOMER?
  3. Never think that you are in control of life!  Only one is and that is not you or I.  When you realize that, it removes the pressure of that and just allows you to focus on what you can control and that is your responses.  No time wasted, just time and energy on what you can control because your thoughts precede your actions; negatively or positively!  Elevate your mind and the body will follow!

Is this process easy?  For some no, in fact for most…No!  However, the mind is like any other muscle in your body…it can be trained and if trained and used enough, it will conform to the new look you are seeking.  Keep these things in mind:

  1. Think of the origin of what you are feeling:  Is it coming from a place of hurt, pain, or anger.  Address that within yourself FIRST and then address the other person or situation so that you will give it its proper emotion and more importantly…the proper response!
  2. Examine the outcomes of your responses: Are the positive responses or negative ones.  For every action there is a reaction so what reactions are you receiving from your responses?  If negative, look at ways in which you are saying things.  Analyze if was something that required your response at all.
  3. Think of the person you want to be…not the person you are currently working on: We are all a work in progress!  Keep the end result in mind and work backwards!

If you do not plan, you plan to fail.  So after reading this…ask yourself the following Self Reflective questions:

  1. What will you do differently to respond to negative events/situations that may come your way?
  2. What will be your step by step process in order to accomplish the best response possible? 

May The Negative Force Be With YOU: 8 Tips for Avoiding Negative Thinking

November 27, 2017 by  
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So often we are affected by negative thinking; not realizing that what you think about you bring about!  The great thing about the mind is that you can reprogram it for positivity and productivity.  Here are 8 tips to help you avoid negative thinking and give it back to those who want to give it to you:

Tip #1: Set Clear Boundaries

You have to have clear and set boundaries for yourself with regard to allowing negativity to be in your midst, your mind, your heart and your soul.  No one has the right to dump their negativity on you.  So often we feel we have to listen to someone’s negativity in order to be considered a good friend…WRONG!

You control your space and what goes in it.  If the conversation is not serving you well, not elevating your mind, your thought process in life, then WE don’t need to engage in this type of dialogue.  Your mind is like a computer, when a virus enters the hard drive everything in it becomes corrupt and as a computer has Anti Viruses to keep what you have stored from being damaged…so you must have such blockers to preserve all that is positive within you. 

Now don’t get me wrong, at times we all need a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear…but it should NOT be a free for all to allow someone to simply dump that type of energy on you.  You cap it, you limit when you say…ENOUGH! Which brings me to my next tip…

Tip #2: Avoid Complainers-Focus on Solutions

You will be amazed at how so many individuals just like to complain.  It’s almost as if they live for negativity and are addicted to it.  We all have that friend/relative that no matter the time, day of the week, month or even year…when you see their name on your phone as it rings you almost have to brace yourself and say a little prayer as to if you are going to answer the phone or not and if you do; after speaking with them you feel like you need a therapy session.  This is where you apply BOUNDARIES!  Once you see the person repeating what they have already complained about, this is your cue to ask…so what’s the solution?  Then offer to brainstorm together ideas to look  at it from a positive perspective and seek solutions to get out of a negative one.

This also teaches people how you are to be dealt with and how you will deal with them.  If they want to remain negative, they will stop calling you.  PROBLEM SOLVED!

Tip #3: Pick & Choose Your Battles

Everything does not require a response, not everything requires your energy.  When you devote so much time to the non-essential, the non factors…it WILL drain you.  Be clear on what and who needs to be addressed. The rest…continue to observe and make mental notes.  Silence truly is GOLDEN and not saying anything IS saying something.  Sometimes less is more.

Tip #4: Change Your Language

Words have POWER!!!  Avoid using absolutes such as NEVER & ALWAYS because the reality of it is…it isn’t ALWAYS & NEVER.  When you use words like that it distorts the truth and can have you assessing a situation in a skewed view.  Remember, when you speak…YOU are also listening.  So don’t be your worst enemy!

Tip #5: Don’t Take Things Personal

Sometimes your perception of something can be so off the mark because you made something about you and it truly has/had nothing at all to do with you.  That other person may have had a bad day, received some bad news so their interaction with you may be off.  ASK and assess if it is about you or something else. 

Also, when someone does/says something negative towards you, if you know in your heart of hearts it is untrue then do not internalize that.  Hurt people, hurt people.  Bring clarity to each situation so that you do not take someone else’s negative behavior/speech/tone personally.

Tip #6: Be The Positivity You Want To See

Just as a grumpy person can bring moral and a mood down, so does a happy, positive person.  Energy is felt and it is contagious.  Be infectious with positivity.  Give a compliment, a smile, say good morning, ask someone how are they doing and truly LISTEN to the response.  This will keep your mind off of the negativity you see/hear daily just by bringing a little sunshine to someone else’s life.

Tip #7: Let Go & Move On

Sometimes we bring about our own pain and negativity by holding onto things and people who evoke less than happy emotions.  For example, if you have photos of someone who hurt you…why are you still in possession of those photos?  Release the negativity by getting rid of its reminder.  Delete that number, text messages from that individual because each time you look at it no matter the time…it will bring you back to that space in time and with all its negativity.  CLOSE that chapter.  Let go of people who hurt you, who no longer serve you well.  Remove them internally and then externally from your circle.  Negativity is like a malignant cancer, it will get worse unless removed.  Move on!  Sometimes we hold unto things/people who God is trying to protect us from.

Tip #8: Prayer

When you pray, you are asking the one who knows and sees all, the one with Infinite wisdom.  Ask the thing we are most afraid to ask and that is to allow you to see things for what they really are and to see people for who they really are.  Pray for guidance, discernment and then ask for acceptance.  You can never go wrong or live a negative life when taking HIS lead!

J.E.S.S.I.C.A. Cares The Legit Hijabi Sisters Empowerment Academy Week 4: How Wonderful Are YOU?

September 15, 2017 by  
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This Friday! Week 4 of the J.E.S.S.I.C.A. Cares Legit Hijabi Empowerment Sister’s Academy…How Wonderful Are You?  We so often like to focus on what’s wrong with us and never take the time to celebrate what is right about us…furthering the feeling of being stuck and feeling unworthy for things we surely are  worthy of.  This week we will explore that…disarming our ultimate enemy in the process!